so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
