So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
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Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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