I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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