What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
