I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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