he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
