I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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