I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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