Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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