you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
