Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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