someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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