No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
