"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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