I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
