now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
