Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
