please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
