She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
