My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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