I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
