Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we're so committed to being not committed
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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