Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
