I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I look better un-naked...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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