This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
