i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
only you would photoshop your dick
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
