I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
