I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
smell my finger.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
