I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
