Whod you bang
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
