And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
