dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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