dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
