Jerry, you need to find god
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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