Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
