All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
