i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
