listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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