You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
