I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
