you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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