I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
