So drunk its hurt
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
