never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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