How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
PANTIES FOUND
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