this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The Olympian is in my bed
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
