look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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