I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
