There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
