He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
