it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
