I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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