with your own penis?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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