i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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