Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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