i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
