I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
