I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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