Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
