Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
