new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
