So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
