they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
