He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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