How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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