I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
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Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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