and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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