I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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