the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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