I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
