I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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