i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
