A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
