Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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