She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
