I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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