Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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